Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy Saturday - courtesy of Peter Kay

Some classic lines from my favourite British comic Peter Kay to lighten the day a bit. Feel free to add your own in the comments. I'm officially declaring today Happy Saturday.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.


If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.


Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living.


Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before


Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.


Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.


You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?


Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?


If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

8 comments:

J.KANNAN said...

Hi Trevor,

You have really made this Saturday a happy one with Peter Kays comic words.

You having declared this Saturday as "Happy Saturday" here goes some more to read and enjoy the Saturday....................

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.

Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time.

Born free; Taxed to death.

Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.

I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.


The trouble with being punctual is that there's no one there to appreciate it.

If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?

If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.

Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!

If you can't convince them, confuse them

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Have a great week end.

J.K

Trevor Gay said...

Hi JK - A happy Saturday to you and I must say your list brought a broad grin to my face - thank you Sir!

dave wheeler said...

Trevor,

Mr. Kay is similar in style to comedian Stephen Wright. Some of my favorites from Mr. Wright...

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Sure wish I had the talent and temperament to make these types of observations!

Trevor Gay said...

"Sure wish I had the talent and temperament to make these types of observations!"

Ditto Dave - I often wonder who it is that starts these jokes off!

Dan Gunter said...

I suffer from vuja de: the burning sense that I've never been here and none of this has ever happened.

John O'Leary said...

I always liked that meat joke. Reminds me of when a friend who worked at a fast food restaurant asked me to come by for a burger sometime. I said, "I don't eat meat," to which he replied, "Aw, you wouldn't find any real meat in our food anyway."

Trevor Gay said...

Dan - Reminds me of the insomniac atheist dyslexic - he stayed awake all night wondering if there really is a dog :-)

Trevor Gay said...

John - I think I've been to that burger shop :-)