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I realise I run the risk of losing all credibility and friendship with my many US friends in publishing the following. It was a letter written by comedy actor John Cleese in his character Basil Fawlty from the classic British TV Sitcom "Fawlty Towers." It was first published at the time of the election for the second time of George W Bush - hence the reference to Tony Blair.
I promise my friends on the left hand side of the pond this is meant to be funny - hope the Brit humour travels.
JOHN CLEESE LETTER TO THE USA
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."
Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.
2. There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.
3. You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
5. You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.1% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).
You should stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
6. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.
7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
9. Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.
10. The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances once known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
11. The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon, get used to it).
12. Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists. That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult enough to be independent. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
13. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
14. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation.
* John Cleese [Basil Fawlty, Fawlty Towers, Torquay, Devon, England]
How important is your work to you?
For me its really important – always has been – always will be. I think it's partly to do with my late beloved Dad’s strong work ethic and the example he set. It was drummed into me from my earliest days. Dad always said “you get nothing for nothing.” He always told me to work hard in whatever I did.
I’ve always taken work seriously and I have to say a few years ago, far too seriously and at the expense of my health.
That brings me to a really tricky discussion and I would be fascinated to hear from you about this topic.
I began thinking about this last night when I was listening (yet again) to some of my favourite Eagles tracks and came across the Don Henley classic “New York Minute.”
The lyrics of this song always send shivers down my spine:
“Harry got up
Dressed all in black
Went down to the station
And he never came back
They found his clothing
Scattered somewhere down the track
And he won’t be down on wall street
In the morning
In a New York minute
Everything can change
In a New York minute
Things can get pretty strange
In a New York minute
Everything can change”
The song is a story of a New York City Wall Street worker who lost his way somehow and decided to end it all in front of a train.
Now I’m older I can say I agree 100% with my Dad’s philosophy. Work is good for our physical and mental health. The problem starts when work becomes too important, relative to other parts of our life.
Work gives us a sense of belonging; a sense of achievement; and it boosts our self esteem. Never under-estimate the importance of work in our total make up.
Having said all that, work should not be allowed to become such a controlling factor that it drives us to the edge of despair and sadly in some cases such as 'Harry' - over that edge.
It’s a fragile line and as Don sings those haunting words .... “In a New York minute, everything can change”
In my career I've had to re-assess my position regarding career choices on a number of occasions - we all do that. I am not for a nanosecond suggesting we shouldn’t worry about work – worrying about it keeps us performing to some degree. When worries about work turn into clinical depression we need to look for help and talk about how we feel. My great guru and life supervisor Professor George Giarchi often uses the expression “This too will pass”
Speaking from personal experience I would say George is right.
I can't help thinking managers don’t spend enough time getting alongside their front line staff.
The more front liners I meet – around 1000 in the last year - the more ‘disconnect’ I find between managers and front line employees.
Front line folks who REALLY rate their managers tell me their manager spends time with them. The front line employees who are critical of their manager invariably see one of the biggest problems that their manager spends far too much time behind their office door away from front line action.
This is not a surprise to me – it’s what I’ve been saying for more than 30 years.
When I started one of my healthcare jobs in 1989 I spent the first month of the job doing nothing but meeting people who worked on the front line interacting with patients. This was brilliant education for me and it felt like the employees enjoyed the experience of showing this ‘new guy’ the ropes about what they actually do.
I wrote up my feelings about that month and submitted it to my bosses in the form of a report called ‘I’m Pleased I Asked the Questions.” One of the bosses I respected most –sadly now deceased - wrote me a letter in reply that I wish I had kept.
He said this:
‘Trevor – As a manager you have undoubtedly chosen the most difficult route to lead and manage. The most difficult, but the most rewarding. Too many managers take the simple option – they sit behind the comfort of the office door and let the system take the strain. Good luck in your career.’
So here we are in 2009 – 20 years later - nothing changes it seems to me.
Why do some managers not get themselves off their backside – out of the office and talk to their front line folks? They are your greatest teachers.
Maybe it’s just me but this stuff is really simple.
Without a doubt one of the greatest joys of my professional life is that I now meet ‘virtually’ many people from all over the world. I would not have had the opportunity to ‘meet’ these people without the aid of the internet, email, blogging and the myriad of other modern communication methods at the fingertips of all of us.
In addition I've spent all my working life meeting and working with thousands of wonderful colleagues from all over the world in my healthcare management career.
Some of the challenges this brings include creating a common language and understanding the subtle (and often not so subtle) differences we have, depending on our nationality, our upbringing and our work experiences – in other words, the culture we live and work in.
It has become clear to me – often through mistakes I’ve made - that we are all different; generalisations are not helpful; and what make us tick is as different sometimes as chalk and cheese. Failure to recognise and respect those differences is a huge deficit. Like most managers, I imagine, I’ve learned mainly through experience about these things. I have delivered training workshops on the joys of diversity and I’ve read a few articles on the subject. But I've not found an easy to read guide about all this … until now.
For anyone whose work involves understanding cultural diversity and the nuances of different cultures (by the way - that means ALL of us) I recommend with great enthusiasm a book I’ve just finished reading;
“Managing Across Cultures - The Seven Keys to Doing Business with a Global Mindset”
This book by Charlene M Solomon and Michael S Schell is crammed with practical ideas and suggestions of how to work in a multi-cultural business world. It gives the reader an opportunity to assess one’s own cultural position on each of the seven dimensions considered by the authors as the key planks in recognising and working in a multi-cultural business world.
The book includes real world scenarios where ‘missing the trick’ of recognising, and more importantly, respecting cultural differences is not just an unfortunate oversight that can cause offence. It can also mean failure on the bottom line financially in a big way and result in missed business expansion opportunities.
As I read the book I found myself saying that this stuff is actually more than about how to manage across cultures. It is in fact about managing - full stop. I suggest the kind of respect and awareness called for in this book is as applicable working within a single culture population.
I congratulate the authors for such an insightful and brilliant reference book that will be regularly used by this trainer/consultant in my work.
The world is becoming a very small place. I often say that I now have more friends that I don’t know and may never meet than those I have met. “Managing Across Cultures” is a book I highly recommend.
It is written in an 'easy to read' style that I suggest ‘travels’ across cultures which of course means the authors are also 'walking their own talk.'
I realise I run the risk of losing all credibility and friendship with my many US friends in publishing the following. It was a letter written by comedy actor John Cleese in his character Basil Fawlty from the classic British TV Sitcom "Fawlty Towers." It was first published at the time of the election for the second time of George W Bush - hence the reference to Tony Blair.
